'Tis the season for severe weather. Don't worry though, no matter what mother nature brings you, rest assured that you will be in the squad 50 miles from the station. You will be rocking back and forth like crazy and fearing that you will die in a pile of wreckage that used to be an ambulance.


Returning a patient to an ECF (nursing home) today I noticed nurses scrambling through halls squawking about a "tornado watch". They had every aide go into patient rooms and inform them of the situation and close the patients window drapes. I found this very interesting and being the person that I am, I stopped an aide I the hall and asked what was up. The aide replied to me in a very un-concerned voice... "Nurses have been informed that there is a tornado watch for the next few hours" I said: "Ya, so what's the business with closing the drapes?" He looks down the hall to be sure he wouldn't be over heard by said nurses. "I have no idea man, we used to have to cloths pin them together too, but someone stole the cloths pins. I guess they think the drapes will protect the residents from breaking glass and stuff " I found his remarks interesting to say the least and when were we're comfortably outside of the facility and back in the truck I looked to my partner and told her that they probably close the drapes so the old folks don't stare outside at the impending doom in the form of a funnel cloud. If all it takes are a few yards of fabric and some cloths pins to protect a person from a tornado, sign me up for home economics.


For those of you that may not be as familiar with emergency language during severe weather season I have broke it down barney style for you. I'm sure everyone can relate to a fart.


I'm eating all the wrong foods at all the wrong times, I don't exercise as much as I should and I'm stressed to the maximum load allowable without medication. This is Fart Season.

I'm sitting in the truck and we are on our third run. I haven't been able to take my morning constitutional this AM and I'm not very happy about it. I'm awake earlier than I want to be awake and all this bouncing around has got me a bit on the uncomfortable side. I know that it will be at least 30 minutes before I get back to the station. This is a Fart Watch. Conditions are right for massive gas, but nothing noticed yet.

The 4th run comes in and it's a doosey. I have to crawl under a car and try and extricate a 16 year old kid from some wreckage that used to be his car. I have the family screaming at me, the police would like information on the patient, my partner is pressing me like crazy to get this kid out so we can scream to the hospital. I get back to the station, sit down on the couch and take off my boots. The next thing you should be concerned about is.... This is a FART WARNING. Some mild soiling of the pants has already happened and there is sure to be more.


Z