Grown Men Dont Cry

Ya! Sorry!

I know I havent written in forever. I honestly intend to write about once a week, something just comes up and I dont have the time or more pressing issues are before me.

I was talking to friend online about EMS today and it inspired me to fire up blogger and give it a whirl.

Things are much the same here, kids, job, bills, more bills... did I mention bills?

I got to thinking today about how desensitized we EMS providers get to violence and death. We like to laugh and joke, but seriously, have you ever taken the time to really reflect on the amount of suffering you see on a daily basis?

My father passed away about a month ago and it never hit me. I was sad, and I wanted to cry for my sons who were without a grandpa, but I never even thought about crying for myself... after all, GROWN MEN DONT CRY. I stayed strong for my boys, and I stayed strong for all the family that was there. Every one hugged me and said how sorry they were. Some were crying, some were not. I never even considered it, at least not in the sense a child would cry for the loss of a father.

We see death and violence on a daily basis.. we come back to the station and turn on the television and watch more while the crew fires up the BBQ and cooks lunch... we never give it a second thought. Sure a child hurt will rattle our cage, and the senseless death of a teenager by their own hand will disturb us, but when someone of "adult" age dies.. no matter what the cause, it's all in a days work. I'm thinking maybe this is wrong.

Maybe we dont push CISD enough (Critical Incident Strees Debriefing). Maybe because GROWN MEN DONT CRY, we dont press the issue of much needed mind flushing.

I think next week, when things calm dawn a bit with the kids and job and home life I might find a quiet place to cry for my dad, maybe in the garage where we used to work together so often. I dont want to go much longer without mourning the loss of a loved one. Come to think of it maybe I'll find time to cry the next time anyone loses a loved one, maybe that will remind me that even though it's all in a days work for me...lives are still shattered and some grown men cry.

Z