Monday, June 09, 2008
I wake up in the morning at 5am. I don't shave. I didn't shave on Saturday and I managed to pass my practicals. So shaving is out for today. My nerves are killing me. I can't eat, just the thought of it makes me want to vomit. Since I didn't shave, getting puke in my beard would be bad.
I go in and kiss my boys. They have sacrificed so much over the last year. Daddy has been gone almost everyday and many events were missed. They miss their Daddy.
I stumble down stairs and turn off the AC, too cold in the house. I grab a Rock Star Energy drink, I know it will make me crash, but the test is only 2.5 hours so I should be done before the big crash happens.
I drive to the shop. The director is kind enough to drive us the 50 miles to our test. He wants to give us every opportunity to be as rested as we can.
The 3 of us don't say a word on the hour drive, we are too consumed with our own thoughts, ambitions, and fears.
As we arrive at the testing center the paranoia kicks in and my stomach starts to tumble. I feel like I'm here to do battle. They WANT to fail me and I will need to fight like hell to even have a chance. I know it's irrational, but thats what I think. I'm a fighter by nature so bring it on, lets get to it. It's either you or me NREMT.
125 questions later I walk out the door wondering how long it will be before I can reschedule. It was a good fight but I think they got me. A cheap shot indeed, but I think they got me. No matter, we'll fight again and things will be very different.
Quiet on the ride home too, I know it will be at least 6 hours before I will know the results of the fight. I was bloody, bruised and tired but I thought I got a few good shots in too. I might not have won, but that bastard would know he was in a fight tomorrow.
Pull into the drive and stumble in the house. Too hot, the AC comes back on. I crawl upstairs exhausted and fall into a coma.
Phone rings. Results are in.
THAT BASTARD GAVE UP! He rolled over and showed me his belly! I may be broken up and bruised but he couldn't continue!
I'm a Paramedic